Dating Series 4 of 6: Meeting Chloe

Meeting Chloe

Note: Names have been changed.

I met Chloe when I was in the youth group. She was nice, I found her attractive, but nothing ever really happened. I guess I kind of saw her as a sister when we were both in the youth group, which made it odd once when my parents were commenting on how she was "blossoming", which really just meant her breasts’ were getting bigger. I mean, how do you react to that as a teenager? Parents… just don’t say things like that in front of your children, teenage or otherwise, its just awkward.

So the years passed and we still kept in contact. But our connection was sporadic, meaning we would chat on AIM every once in a while, but over time we started to talk on the phone once every few months. During one summer when were both home from college, we would go to this large contemporary church service at the Second Baptist Church in town. Honestly, there is nothing more attractive to me than a female worshiping next to me, talking to her about God, and hearing her sing. But I tried to keep myself cool. I had screwed things up before, so I wanted to try my best to know if she liked me before she left for the summer.

I tried a few times to see her outside of going to the worship services, and looking back now, I should have been aware that I was getting the cold shoulder. She would always make some excuse, that seemed lame, and would then tell me she had done something with her friends (or even another guy who came into town *slaps face*). I was so blind.

But I still had all these feelings for her by then. It wasn’t that I couldn’t take no, but I felt all these things and needed to get them out, so I did the worst thing you can do to someone with whom you aren’t actually going out with yet… writing them a letter. I wrote her two pages, expressing my feelings and how great a person I thought she was at the time and how much I liked her. Yes, at least I knew enough not to say love. I mean, she hadn’t gone out with me yet, so I had feelings but I wasn’t a moron. I though I was being smooth at the time. WRONG!

When the letter was finished, I got her address by being telling her I was updating my contacts. To make myself feel better, I did actually update my contacts but, of course, my real purpose was to get her address while she was away at college. I sent the letter... and waited... and waited. I felt dumb, but also satisfied I had got my feelings out. I accomplished my goal and figured, “Well I guess she didn’t feel the same, but hey... we didn’t really know one another all that well.”

Then fall break came and I was at home. I saw her at church, but I didn’t say anything about the letter. I figured if she wanted to say something, she would reply. And right between Sunday school and church she asked me to talk with her for a second. She apologized for not replying, then told me while she liked me as a friend, that she didn’t like me as anything more than that at the moment. She said she still wanted to be friends, I said ok, and we hugged. Those are the only hugs I have never liked. I was sad of course, but I had kind of already put this behind me emotionally. I didn’t like being rejected but it wasn’t as bad since I didn’t know her as much as I had known Jessy.

I think I might have talked to her on the phone once more, but later I just deleted her from my phone and AIM. I was determined not to go on about this like I had previously, grieving for a whole six months. I did try to chat back and forth on Facebook a few times, but she didn’t reply. I finally just deleted her. That might sound harsh, but I don’t consider people friends, at least not presently or in the future, if we don’t actually speak or ever write to one another.

So, she has pretty much been out of my mind. Yes, every so often I would search for her on Facebook, see what I could gather from her Public, non-friend, view. A few months ago I looked and apparently she is married now. She looks happy with him. I am happy for her, but sad for myself. Not because I don’t have her or she missed out on the great me, but because I want to meet someone and be that happy at some point.

This concludes Meeting Chloe... please turn over tape for side two.

~ Doubledb