The Truth About: The Flesh vs. The Spirit 3/3

I am so very sorry Lord when I fail you, when my feelings, my flesh, the distractions of the world take your place, when other things are given priority. When I am confused, lost, and instead of turning to you, I sometimes push your sweet still-small voice away.

I cry and weep for that which I do not have... but do I weep for the lost, the sick, the weak, the needy, for others in the same way? Damn my selfish heart, my lonely heart, for it cries out to be loved, more than to love, it grieves what I do not have instead of being thankful for that which I possess.

I struggle between being content (where I can be lazy) and taking initiative (where I can push myself too hard). Help me to find balance. Help me to be wise in how I spend my time, with whom I spend my time, and where my thoughts go throughout the day. May I invest in activities and people that enrich my life and may my thoughts ever-be turning back toward You.

Help me in those times when my flesh seems to overtake my spirit, when I am weak, please make me strong by the life, teachings, death, and resurrection of Jesus the Christ. Help me by the counsel, guidance, and wisdom of your Holy Spirit. Help me God the Father as Parent, as one who cares deeply for me and loves me unconditionally despite my failures and all the times I lose focus and turn away. May I always be reminded of Your goodness, Your love, and Your eternal kindness.

A-men

         ~ Doubledb

The Truth About: The Flesh vs. The Spirit 2/3

So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. - Galatians 5:16-17

We satisfy self. We are empty, so we fill ourselves with food. We feel ugly or fat so we starve ourselves. We want love so we seek out quick fixes and relationships by getting involved with those who lack character, reading fanciful romance novels, or devouring unrealistic movies, including being drawn in by porn. We do not know how to deal with our life, our thoughts, or our emotions, so we pick up bottles of booze, of medications, or drugs and try to lose ourselves. Indeed, we are lost.

We feel like others do not understand, so we hide in our shells, lock ourselves up so that no one can see inside. We sit alone so we remain hidden or we slip on a fake smile. Perhaps we take part in endless activities, doing anything and everything to stay busy, because if we sat still, if we had to be quiet, even for a moment, our demons, our struggles come out to meet us. BUT!

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. - Galatians 5:22-25

Instead of bringing these issues to God, sitting at His feet, we let our thoughts; our minds become bombarded by this world. Instead of feeding our Spirit, we feed the Flesh. Instead of being real at church, with our brothers or sisters in Christ, we hide. Only, what we do not know is that the longer we hide, the longer Satan has to get into our lives, the more our fleshly groans louder, the more we can miss Gods still-small voice in our lives.

This week, feed your Spirit not your Flesh. This week, go out when you would sit.. or sit when you would go out. This week, be open with a brother or sister in Christ that you trust. Stop hiding. Let them know what is going on in you, where you have been struggling, then ask for prayer. Finally, ask others what they are going through and seek out ways to pray and care for them as well.

May we start challenging ourselves to be more open and authentic, to make and create safe places where we can share life and faith, the good and bad. May we mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice. And in all things, May Christ be Praised.

~ Doubledb

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The Truth About: The Flesh vs. The Spirit 1/3

We live in a time, in a church that seeks and years for openness; yet it does not seem ready for the deep truths and sadness and struggles in the lives of its members. While the church is diving deeper into helping those who have been divorced, face death, grief, loss, depression, weight issues, drug, and alcohol issues; is the church ready for openness regarding other deep issues? Is the church ready to discuss body image/self-esteem issues, eating disorders, abuse, anger, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, adultery, lust, premarital sex, masturbation, or pornography (to name a few)?

The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
- Galatians 5:19-21

Our members wants frankness but aren't quite sure if the church is a safe place. Will people gossip about us? Will they put out prayer requests on issues we might not want public? Will they think ill of us for admitting fault? The truth is we are all dirty, that none are perfect, and that Christ died for all our sins. We have mental images of others being perfect Christians, but this is simply not true, a lie to deceive us. I believe we all are simply too scared to let down our defenses, too fearful to be honest and vulnerable, too hurt to weep with others or for ourselves while on the outside we feel the ongoing need to express ongoing contentment, happiness, joy, and smiles to those watching.

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! - Romans 7: 21-25a

Can and will we be able to share our struggles, trials, and confusions about life? Paul tells us we have two competing desires, while one part of us bows before God in our spirit, another part of us bows before self, forsaking God and others, even sacrificing our future when we are swayed by our temporal fleshly desires.

~ Doubledb

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Things Left Unsaid

You drew a picture, Onto my heart,
Right onto my heart for a moment.
I spoke your sweet name, I got to know you,
I saw your kind heart for a moment.

Things left unsaid, things left behind,
Thoughts and Feelings inside I had to hide.
The truth was strong, My Feelings Deep,
The journey so hard and long sometimes I had to weep.

You were a sweet song, A Loving Melody,
We were in tune for a moment.
A choir Sang, Angels were heard on high,
They spoke your name for a moment.

Things left unsaid, Things left behind,
Thoughts and Feelings inside I couldn't hide.
I told the truth, I took a risk,
All for maybe just one kiss.

You walked away from, From my heart,
I hope only for a moment.
The picture fades, The song then ceased,
Still I got to know you for a moment.

Things left Unsaid, Left you behind,
Had to go away and heal myself inside.
My feelings deep, Those thoughts of you,
Now becoming old what once was so new.

Things left unsaid, Now in the void,
Another time, another one, Empty affections to leave behind.
But hope remains, There's always new,
New pictures and songs to paint with someone new.

You drew a picture, Onto my heart,
Right onto my heart for a moment.
I spoke your sweet name, I got to know you,
I saw your kind heart for a moment.

~ Daniel Brockhan

Meeting Leslie: Part 3

The last few months have been very confusing for me. Before "Leslie" left for college she kept putting off seeing a movie with me.. maybe next week she kept saying. Then I said I thought it would be better if we did not hang out one-on-one since she had a boyfriend. I tried to message her a few times that month and she just kept saying she was busy.

So, I met up with her when I went to go do an orientation for my second job in another city. She was supposed to get a group together, which happened to be one other person who ended up leaving before I got there, so I said we could go ahead and meet since I was already in town. We had a good time, at least I enjoyed spending a little while talking to her. We did hug as I left.

A few weeks later I got her address to sent her some of my books to borrow, related to something we had talked about when I talked with her. Shortly after I suggested we try to catch-up on Skype or through a phone call. She seemed genuinely interested and told me she made time on her calender. Since our schedules had both been so crazy I was excited to get to speak to her in person, because I tire of the internet, even if I do like to write... being away from friends and family so much makes you crave real interactions with peoples tone, humor, body language, and actually seeing their face.

So the day came and I was ready to get on Skype in an hour to chat with her when I see a new message. I just knew this was bad. I think I almost knew this was coming. She was going to cancel on me. Sure enough, my fears were true. She and her boyfriend had a talk (in the three hours since we had confirmed meeting that night on Skype) about hanging out and talking to someone of the opposite sex on the phone or on Skype.

Stab!

I replied that I understood but I was sad, though I couldn't truly admit why I was hurt. My brain told me I was stupid, because she has a boyfriend, what are you doing? I told my brain I was trying to be friends, at least, try to continue to connect with her, even if I cannot tell her how I feel right now, especially now with this. My feelings told me to feel horrible, that it was ok, that my brain was stupid and over thinks everything anyways, sometimes it is ok to follow your heart, to try to connect with someone, and when that connection is blocked, it is ok to be sad and grieve a little.

So, We can still do group things, only with our schedules and her being out of town... I'm just not sure how much that will really work. I try to remind myself that friendships take months and years to form, and relationships that potentially grow out of a friendship take time as well. Still, I keep finding myself asking God: Why am I in this situation? Why did I meet this women? Why did I meet her now when she has a boyfriend and not at some other time? I mean, it would have been much more convenient otherwise, right? But that is simply not how real life works.

So, this is where I find myself. I included her in a message with friends for some group stuff I'm trying to plan, though I don't know if any of it will work out or if she will even be free. Frankly, I don't know what I am doing or why I care to try so much here. I guess when you feel you connect with someone, that urge can be very strong and since I don't find myself connecting with a lot of people where I live, I guess I'm not ready to throw in the towel. I think she is worth the effort, even if it is only friendship... but I question how much effort and when does it make sense to stop.

I pray God guide me and direct me here. I've always felt a disconnect between God and my dating life. I am sure he is there and is involved, I'm just not always sure exactly how. But still, I press forward. I'm not saying I am not looking to make other friends or wouldn't be open to meeting or dating anyone else if that happened, but if the last year has taught me something, it is that finding, making, and keeping friends in this new place is going to be very difficult. People have other friends and routines, so new people mostly have to be invited into this system, trying to create one of your own from the random people you meet and know seems almost impossible here.

And so my story keep unfolding,

Though I am not ever quite sure exactly where it is going.

~ Doubledb

Our First Affection: Part 2 of 2

Fasting

About a month ago I finished reading through John Piper's book on Fasting called "A Hunger for God". I had read the book a few years ago when I was merely curious about the practice. At the time I was in a supervision in ministry class and my pastor, who was my mentor, asked if I had ever fasted and would I fast while going through this book? I replied in the past I had fasted from television, video games, and the internet but only rarely ever had fasted from food. I then told him I was merely curious to read a book that went deeper into the spiritual discipline. The truth was, I wasn’t ready at all to seriously seek out to do such a thing. I mean, I like food and I don’t like feeling hungry. That should have told me something but at the time I was too hard-headed to hear God in the midst of all the other things I had going on at the time.

While reading this book again recently my church asked the congregation to fast if the spirit led them, as we had our pastor move back to Texas and our church is seeking God's will on where to go next. For some reason this time I thought I might begin trying to do this thing called fasting, after all, not only is my church seeking direction, but I am still trying to adjust to a huge transition in my life, continue to seek out and make friends, as well as ponder with God if there may or may not ever be a spouse and family in my future.

I'd say the first few times I did not last long trying to NOT eat because I did not much like the feeling of being hungry, much like I expected. In fact, sometimes I would decide I was hungry enough and semi-gorge myself on food. Then it started to hit me. What am I really hungry for food at times? Am I hungry for jobs to pay down student loan debt? Am I hungry for friends? Am I truly hungry for food? Am I hungry for a relationship? Am I hungry for God? And why does it take me all those other questions to get to pondering my hunger for God?

Fasting is one expression of our struggle. Fasting is the voluntary denial of a normal function for the sake of intense spiritual activity. It is a sign of our seriousness and intensity. When we fast, we are intentionally relinquishing the first right given to the human family in the garden - the right to eat.... Our fasting is part of our wresting with God. It is part of the birth pangs we endure in order to see new life come forth.
- Richard J. Foster, Prayer: Finding The Heart's True Home

And then another proverbial blow to my mind. I even wrote about it in my last blog. It is all about the loss of control. We indulge in these things, these distractions, we find ourselves consumed by materialism and individualism, by technology, by relationships, and these easily become distractions and idols because we simply are fearful, truly and utterly fearful about giving God control, about handing our life, every situation truly and openly up to Him. I think Job says it best, "Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord"(1:21).

This here is they key. We have to find a way to be content in all situations, good or bad, things that make sense or confuse us, knowing that in some way this, right now, right here in the present is exactly where we are supposed to be. God gives us a choice right here and now to follow Him or follow the world, but either way He desires and will try to nudge us, give us small impressions to follow Him. He will seek to guide us with his gentle small voice, but we can only have eyes to see past our blindness and ears to hear past our deafness if we relinquish control, accept where we are and seek out God, laying down all and every external.

This is not for the faint of heart, but I feel like if we are to take on such a thing, truly desire to seek out God and his ongoing wills for our life, we must see where we are, put ourselves in his ever-loving hands, trust he will mold us and guide us. One way we do this, placing him in this position of control, is by fasting, by practicing sacrificing our desires in seeking Him out.

“When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 17 But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18 so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. - Matthew 6:16-18

We do not have to fast from food, or food alone, but the discipline is there and it is very clear that when people are seeking God and seeking discernment, for impressions from the spirit that this is a spiritual discipline to be practiced. In fact, Jesus does not say if we practice this but when we practice, so the questions are left to us.

Are we willing to give up control? Are we willing to put ourselves in God's hands?
Are we willing to fast from things that are between us and God?
Are we willing to listen to God's still-small voice and be open to the impression of the Holy Spirit?
Are we willing to move forward with God not knowing the outcome or its timing?
Are we willing to do the work to put God as our first and prime affection?

It is up to each of us to decide.

~ Doubledb

Our First Affection: Part 1 of 2

Our First Affection

Who should be our first affection? Most reading this will likely say Jesus Christ, or at least the Triune God. Does our life truly reflect that fact? I think about how many distractions we have in our life: Work, Television, The Internet, Tablets, Cell Phones, Spouses, Girlfriends, Boyfriends, Fiances, Children, Family, even Friends. We have a great many things calling out, yelling for our time, screaming for our attention; yet God does not compete with us like the world does. God does not come at us raging but comes to us in a still small voice, ever present, ever near, ever with his arms wide open.

We are the ones who pass God. Maybe we decide simply not to go to church for no reason. Maybe we decide not to pick up our bibles to read. Perhaps we feel tired so we decide not to pray. Little by little such things take us from God and we are likely to spend our time pursuing other avenues. None of the things which distract us or that we might put before God are bad or evil or sinful in and of themselves, but it is when we fool ourselves, when we find ourselves placing such things in front of God, in front of Christ that these things become idols, become things that can actually keep us from God.

Here are some thoughts from Fancis De Sales on True Devotion:

There is only one true devotion, but there are many that are false and empty.... In his pictures Arelius painted all faces after the manner and appearance of the woman he loved and so too everyone paints devotion according to his own passions and fancies.... Many persons clothe themselves with certain outward actions connected with holy devotion, and the world believes that they are truly devout and spiritual whereas they are in fact nothing but copies and phantoms of devotion.

These are some strong images for those of us who do attend church, go to bible study, do our prayers; yet in the midst of life perhaps we are not as devoted to God as others may think, even as we may think. Perhaps this is because instead of comparing ourselves to Christ we compare ourselves to others who are less involved, less loving, less caring, less self-sacrificing, when instead we should be asking God ways to make us more involved, more caring, more self-sacrificing. Perhaps we are just to blinded by our own life and the world around us to hear God speaking to us in that Gentle Whisper as we run hurried to this place and from that place, never stopping to listen, to hear. We must put our affections and love towards Christ, for he is eternal while the world around us remains temporary.

I think this is where the thoughts or Richard Rolle will challenge us:

But this eternal and overflowing love does not come when I am relaxing, nor do I feel this spiritual ador when i am tired out after, say, traveling, nor is it [there] when i am absorbed with worldly interests or engrossed in never-ending arguments. At times like these I catch myself growing cold; cold until once again I put away all things external, and make a real effort to stand in my Savior's presence only then do I abide in this inner warmth.... Love for God and love for the world cannot exist in the same soul; the stronger drives out the weaker, and it soon appears who loves the world and who follows Christ. The strength of peoples love is shown in what they do.

And this brings us to two outcomes when it comes to our affections, either we have chosen to follow self, which will lead us away from God or we choose to make Christ our prime affection. Here is the key I think, with either choice God will desire to break us in some manner. For those who chose to walk away from God, perhaps follow some sin or idol, putting it in the place of God, I believe God will begin to break the person down by ridding them of their idols, by showing them these temporal objects will not last nor satisfy.

For the others, who seek to partner with God in making Him first, what are they to do? Everyone knows the typical answers such as seek God, go to church, pray, and read scripture. These are all good but I wonder if we are necessarily doing anything to show God our hearts true intent for Him to reign supreme. I think for us to truly begin to place God first we must sacrifice. There is a spiritual discipline for this to help us learn to sacrifice, one that many of us have forgotten or neglected called fasting...

May God stir our affections...  to be continued.

 

~ Doubledb