Modern-Day Pharisees

There is a lot of judgment in the church, a lot of holier-than-thou thinking across all denominations in the Christian church. We Christians like to set our self as different from the Jews in that we are under grace and not under the law. And yet we are blind, blinded by our own arrogance and self-righteous attitudes, in our individualistic and materialistic thinking. We are very concerned with us, how great we are doing, how well others see us… or at least how great others perceive us to be.

We have taken this thinking into our churches.
We have taken this thinking into our faith communities.
We have taken this into our personal time between us and God.

We, who once were so taken aback by the unlimited love and grace of God, who worked so hard to "attain" where we are spiritually, so often have the urge to lead other people into our own journey of faith, instead of their own… to tell them our way, our belief, our journey is the only correct way and route.

How do we do this?

In the church, this isn’t usually done directly but indirectly and passively. It begins when children are young and told not to question those in authority, the elders; then over time it seeps into us as we are teenagers and told things like we should never watch rated-R movies or listen to Rock music no questions asked. We are told certain things are secular and certain things are sacred.

No Discussion.

 

This is How it Begins.

Then as we get older we see how some other members of the church are involved in so many programs and it is suggested that we too come to the church multiple times a week. Forget your personality, your life, and your personal callings and growth; you are told this will be good for you, the church, make you happy, and grow you closer to God. This is a lie. Certainly getting more involved in church is never wrong; however, you can also suffer from the Martha complex of believing that busy-ness equals greater spirituality and maturity (LK 10:38-42). Not so. Jesus told Martha to look and learn from Mary. There must be a balance there and a question regarding our motivations when being so involved, are we feelings called by God or do we want others to see us doing spiritual things.

To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: 10 “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’14 “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” – Luke 18:9-14

Then a person stands up in front of church and speaks about their hour long quiet time reading and studying scripture each day, followed by a four hour long prayer time. Forget that this man is retired and decided to do this personally, we are swept up in the image of doing something so sacred for so long, as if it is something we cannot attain but strangely find ourselves feeling guilty for not spending so much time in the word and prayer ourselves. Forget that we helped our friend move into their new place last weekend. Forget that we have have work or some of us have children to attend to every day.

It continues.

I was once in a group where I let it be known I didn’t not have a passport, which is no big deal for me, since I don’t particularly have money for any fancy vacations and haven’t ever heard God calling me to a foreign country. Well, someone in the group who has a heart for missions expressed verbal and emotional disapproval on how a minister “should” have a passport because he "should" be doing international missions. This happened in front of a group of friends, some who had been on mission and some who had not. I just answered that I have never been called to go on the mission field. I don’t think she agreed that was a valid excuse, likely thinking I was running from God and being selfish.

Let me say this:
When foreign missions are more important than local missions, our community suffers.

Think about that. Let it seep in...

Lastly, an example from my youth minister days. I once had an older male member of the church come and ask me if he could be my mentor. he told me at a very vulnerable and difficult time in my own life, that he saw how I was hurting and could help me, help me to get myself in order, to even help me financially, but I'd have to accept his mentor-ship, his leadership, basically his right-ness. I told him I would think about it but couldn’t get over the sick feeling in my gut telling me this wouldn’t be a good thing.

Honestly, I’ve only ever had an official mentor except for one semester in college and then once in seminary for a class. Never own my own have I had a mentor. I've had friends and family, brothers and sisters in the faith who I sought for advice, but never one person.  I find my learning from CS Lewis, Lee Strobel, Richard J. Foster, Richard J. Foster, Francis Chan, Brian McLaren, Tony Campolo, and the like - these are my teachers. A mentor is a person wants to make you a mini-them but a spiritual director, according to men like Foster, is a person who comes alongside you, sees your gifts, and helps you develop those gifts and mature in your faith. I have many, not one, who help me in this role.

In that sense though, aren’t we all spiritual directors to one another, helping to encourage one another to strive forward, to persevere in our faith. At least, isn’t that what we should be? How do we get this wrong? Why do we want to put our walk, our answers, our thinking upon others and unpack that as right spirituality? Shouldn’t we be using Jesus as the example, not ourselves?

Have you ever met a Modern-Day Pharisee?
Have you ever caught yourself becoming or being one towards someone else?
What happened?

~ Doubledb

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On (Online) Dating and Friendship

Edit: I wrote this a few days ago but have been struggling on whether or not to post this on my public blog. I have come to the decision that while most things regarding being single (or married for others) might need to remain private or personal, sometimes we use this as an excuse to remain silent in our struggles, desires, and journey's regarding friendships and relationships. Additionally, I know from some married friends, their struggle can be to maintain that "perfect image" to other about their marriage. The reality is life is full of complexity, lots of confusion, but if we will let Him, God will challenge us to far greater things than we could ever attain and accomplish on our own... because our nature is selfish and His nature is full of love, holiness, kindness, and community. So, here we go...

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It's time I come clean, let the rabbit out of the hat, and admit what only a few close friends and family have known the past few months. I have been pursuing online dating, even asking a few females out that I have met face-to-face.

For years I found myself feeling a bit rejected, mostly relegated to the friend part of life with all my female friends when it came to relationships. Since this last November, about nine months, I started online dating after losing weight, gaining confidence, and finally deciding I would put myself in that wacky of world online dating despite my first experience at it a few years previously to be rather odd, if not slightly disturbing... If you call getting messages from sixty year old ladies disturbing. I did.

Let’s just say online dating is such an odd thing and I almost feel sad how many people are relegated to finding someone this way. I find it odd that we cannot connect with one another and network enough to find matches in real life, because in community we all know who is single, their personalities, and yet those looking stay silent (in shame or guilt I suppose) about their desires and longings.

Recently, I asked out a few females I had met in person, which is always a lot more dramatic and emotionally vulnerable than sending out the "hey you" message on a dating site to someone you do not know. The thing is, I've also recently been getting some opportunities to become friends with some females, which is odd when you are in a “dating mindset”, like the one that (online) dating produces, that seems to make women into more of a meat market of potential relationships than actually getting to know them as person, uniquely created by God.

Conviction.

The last few weeks God has really been laying friendship on my heart. I still do not have a lot of friends here in the area. It’s like being the new kid at a school where all the social groups are set and you are trying to fit in, to be accepted, to find your niche.

I read and share articles all the time in my Facebook about how men and women can be friends. I believe that in my mind, ideally, but my life the last few months hasn’t been showing what I profess to believe. It is very easy to cut out females from your life when you are so focused on finding "the one" or a "potential one" that you miss all the friends you could make, even if a relationship is not possible.

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no-one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.  You are my friends if you do what I command.  I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. - John 15:12-15

Jesus told his disciples that they were his friends, so friendship doesn’t have to be some derogatory phase regarding the opposite sex in regards to relationships, nor does it mean there has to be some alternative underlying motive. Certainly there may be some form of attraction, but I believe friendship is appreciating the beauty of the other as a person without being in an intimate physical relationship, because the reality is all friendships are certainly emotional and spiritual, if not humorous and intellectual, sharing life with another.

Friendship is also known as "Philo” or “Philia" (Brotherly, Sisterly, or Friendly love) in the Greek and CS Lewis writes about friendship in his book "The Four Loves". There is something there, something God is showing me. Despite not wanting to be put in that “zone”, I question why, what am I seeking? What am I running away from? Am I only seeking what I desire but missing something I need, namely friendship? How can I so quickly dismiss that? How quickly do we dismiss others as friends based on many things like gender, socioeconomic status, etc. That thought is haunting me, convicting me, and God has not let it leave me the last few weeks.

Trust. Hope. Anticipate. Let Go.

So, for now, I am toning down on the online dating. Still pursuing it somewhat but I feel I’ve been stuck in extremes and need to re-prioritize, moderate, to find a balance between giving up or completely giving myself over to the (online) dating system. I think God has another way, a different way, one in which I get to know another, and one in which rejection of a relationship doesn’t have to be the end but can be the beginning of something new, a friendship with someone new, created by God that can add value to life.

What are your thoughts?

How do you feel about (Online) Dating?
How do you feel about friendship?
How about friendship with the opposite gender?

~ Doubledb

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Who Do You Want to Become?

Most people will say life's biggest question is pertaining to ones faith or ones purpose in life; however, it has occurred to me over the last few weeks that the big question might be this:

Who do you want to become?

I am not talking about a career or job. I am talking about character, about the choices we make each and every day that reflect and show who we are as a whole person. Some of these choices only we are aware of, perhaps they are bad habits, addictions, lies, gossip, or manipulating others. Despite the secrecy, we are aware of these choices and usually we are aware of their danger. We pursue such choices out of selfish desire. Is that who we wish to become? Do we wish to be known as a selfish individual, only looking out for us, even if it is in secret?

The choices we make every day prove who we truly are, our friends know, we know, and for those who are religious (like myself) we can be sure that God knows. I think most of the time we think we are fooling others, when the only person we are fooling is ourself.

Therefore, if we want to become someone better, someone with more passion, more integrity, more wisdom, more character, this begs the question: What are you doing, first, that might hinder such progress? The second question is what really matters: What good are you pursuing to change yourself for the better. The second question here is really the most important, for we can desire to change our old habits, we can even get rid of them; however, unless we actively seek good, some better change, we will go into default, we will go back to old habits.

So, the question today is, who do you want to become? Are you truly happy with the way you are right now? Are their relationships you could mend? Friendships you could create? Are you married and more selfish than you ought to be? Are you single and find yourself seeking validation from others, instead of finding your own identity as an individual and as a child of God? Do you have dreams you want to pursue and follow? What is hindering you? What has stopped you from seeking them, from seeking any of these things.

This week, push yourself further, get rid of the old things that hinder you and begin to put on a new image, a better you, one that fits you more and discard and throw away the old remnants of your past self that serve you no longer.

Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. - Colossians 3:9-10

This week, ponder: Who do you truly want to become?

~ Doubledb