Moments That Define Us

I was speaking with a few of my coworkers over a meal a few weeks back about moments that define us. We were talking politics briefly and one of them said Bill Clinton was a great president. Now, overall, I do think he was a good president; however, I said he wasn’t great (nor will he be considered great) because of the sex scandal. Then he remarked that a person shouldn’t be defined by one mistake. I told him while that is true, the reality is that we are defined by what we do, not always who we are as a whole person. That instance with Clinton did not make him a horrible person but it did lessen his greatness and ability as president, using such power for his own purpose, lying, and the ways in which it affected his family most of all. He lost respect, and therefore, lost greatness.

I then asked if a preacher had an adulterous relationship, should he be forgiven or should he be fired. I mean, it was only one mistake, right? Does it make him a bad person? My friend answered that there is a difference and when I asked what was the difference he fell silent. The truth is simple, we are defined by what we do, by the things that happen to us, sometimes we have control over them and sometimes we do not.

Some of these instances, like the one with Bill Clinton, involve sin, or ways we hurt or cause harm to ourselves and others, usually for selfish reasons. I wouldn’t say any one sin, or a few instances of wrong, make someone a bad person, but over time the accumulation of sin, along with the desire of their heart, defines who they are as a person overall.

However, one has to realize there are always consequences, good and bad, to choices in life. Clinton had to be put on trial, just like a preacher caught in adultery would need to be fired. This isn’t to suggest there isn’t forgiveness or healing, but that those things come after the punishment. Besides, anyone who knows psychology is aware that most people do good or bad things based on reward and punishment, not simply from a desire to do good for themselves or for the good of the community.

Then there are the instances where we must go through things that define us. Maybe we feel we have the tendency toward gluttony, lust, anger, gossip, lying, or a whole host of other things. I am not even talking about the sin and action but the temptation to do these things, some sin that we find ourselves addicted to and trying to get over. I think we can define ourselves by the things we fight against instead of the things we fight for in our life.

Then there are the psychological disorders, one like anorexia, anxiety, bulimia, binge-eating, PTSD, depression, mania, and bi-polar disorder. One could group these, along with other addictions, such as alcohol, drugs, sex, or porn, but my point is that there is something in these people that clicks one day, either genetics and/or from their environment, and likely for the rest of their life they will struggle with this disease. Yet, if one has depression, do they define themselves by their struggle or by their victory? Are we the pieces of our life or the whole?

I guess that I am getting at is there are always those negative aspects of self that we deal with as individuals. I feel like oftentimes we identify ourselves by our failures and struggles than by our victories and all the other wonderful things about us. I wonder why we do this to ourselves.

Maybe you find yourself judging friends, maybe they are constantly seeking approval from the wrong people or you feel are on the wrong track. Instead of gossiping, maybe it is time to offer a helping hand or encourage them in the positive areas in their life.

Maybe you are your worst critic, always letting things slide or maybe you want things to be perfect but find life can be a mess. Perhaps you need to have some grace on yourself. Maybe you need to stop focusing on the negative aspects of your life and instead, improve and expand on the great things about yourself.

While we may have a tendency to feel the harsh moments define us, the beautiful ones define us as well. I think over time, if we would infuse our life with more good, positive, and beautiful things, we might just find those moments define us much more than our struggles and hardships. Perhaps, it is once we have gone through those tough times we can see the positive aspects of our life and self even more clearly.

Related Post: Defined by Christ, Not Sin

What moments in your life define you?
Are they hardships? Victories? Both?

~ Doubledb