Christianity Unchained

I go to church. I read devotional books and blogs. So much of what I see is safe Christianity. We stay away from the tough subjects. We remain closed-off from the deeper truths that in each of our lives; the pain, loneliness, negative thoughts, and more that we each keep hidden behind the veil, the image we all portray to others that our life is perpetually happy, fine, and ok. The truth is most of us are far from ok.

I think God wants more openness and vulnerability. I think people are crying out for authenticity. Why do we always need to have order to our worship, our services, our programming, and our prayers? A little disorder and freedom might do us well. Certainly we can take freedom too far and some order is needed; but lately I keep asking myself: Where is the beauty? Where is the spontaneity and freedom of the Holy Spirit in our lives? Where is the life? Where is the rush of the love of God flowing out in amazing and crazy ways among us as Christians?

Why do we not have banners and art adorning the hallways, rooms, and sanctuaries of our churches from church members? Where are the writers, the poets, and the readers? Where are the song writers and their original songs being sung, performed, and played? Why do we buy and perform only music and bible studies that are pre-packaged and sold when plenty of us are creative and thought-provoking?

Why? That is the question. Is it because we are fearful of letting the Spirit go wild in us, giving God control? If we can know the songs, books, and studies are all approved by publishers or merchandisers at the local Christian bookstore, then we can remain safe perhaps, we can maintain control.

Maybe we do not need so much control. Maybe our need to control is what is keeping us chained down. And, because of these chains we are currently losing this generation who desire authenticity, openness, honesty, discussion, who need some order in their lives but also need to see the abundant freedom of the Spirit moving among us as well.

I remember years ago interviewing for a youth ministry positions and one of the questions I received often was about what bible study series from the Christian bookstore I use to teach youth. They always had surprised looks when I told them I wrote, and preferred to write, my own lessons.

I suppose somewhere in high school, I just no longer agreed with the culture of Christian merchandizing, whether it was the items for things like See You at The Pole or the newest book on the front shelf of the Christian bookstore. I began to find, for me, that Christianity was less about the stuff and more about the content, quality, and love. I began to find value in older Christian writers, as well as disciplines like solitude and simplicity that run counter to our American culture, which is fast-paced and anything but simple.

Hear me here. What we do not need is another t-shirt, wrist-band, or event; what we need is to seek and run after God with our whole heart daily, to allow Him to change us, for us to become unchained Christians ever-so-wonderfully lost in the midst of God's control and his loving hands as He guides and directs us. Then, as God changes us, we will show his love and tell of His greatness.

God does not need merchandizing nor events, for we as the church worshiping God and loving others in community, this is our advertising, these are our holy events. When we do such things as the church we are shinning as the light in the darkness of this world. This is how people will see, come, and know Christ. This is how they will become disciples of Jesus, by letting go and giving ourselves to God, wholeheartedly and unchained.

One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: ³⁶ “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” ³⁷ Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ - Matthew 22:37-39 

~ Doubledb

Letter to Men

Our culture would have you believe men come in one of two categories, either they are the Ray Romano’s and Tim-the-Toolman Taylor’s who have a difficult time with logic or they are the strong and silent Ron Swanson's who like to eat meat, hunt, and would prefer to live alone in a cabin in the woods and never have to talk to another living soul ever again. These are lies. We are more than this.

Our culture would have you believe men are emotionless creatures, who follow pure logic or no logic at all, that they are creatures who pursue their visually stimulated lustful thoughts and have seemingly no control over their actions. We are either robot or beast.

This is also untrue.

Men have a depth. I have seen it, but it lies behind a veil that not to many women or other men will ever get to see. Men have been taught since they were young that their emotions are wrong, that they should not cry or be vulnerable. Still, even for those lucky enough to have good parents who encouraged open communication and allowed their sons to express these emotions, the world pushes them back as they enter school, college, the workforce, and pursue relationships.

I have seen men weep because they cannot find work to pay bills or provide for their family. I have seen men weep and question how they can be so selfish when they truly desire to love their wife more than themselves. I have seen men weep, gushing tears after a breakup, divorce, or death of a spouse, lacking sleep and not being able to eat for days or weeks. But from others, from the world, these emotions are hidden. Why?

There are expectations.

Men feel these expectations. Men do not have an out when it comes to life. People generally do not feel sorry for men. We are supposed to be independent and strong. When we leave to college we are expected to be self-sufficient and never need help. True, some do run back home and waste their lives pursuing their man-toys like video games or sports cars, but true men fight to live and are sometimes weighed down by these expectations. We are expected to have high paying jobs, expected to always have friends, and though not as verbal, we are expected to find someone and marry by a certain age.

But none of these pieces make a man.

A real man finds that there is strength in admitting his weakness, because this is the only way he can ever grow. A real man knows his emotions are there for a reason and allows himself to be honest and vulnerable but also sees the wisdom in only allowing himself to open up to those who are close and loyal.

Responsibility not Expectations drives real men.

Responsibility is taking hold of your dreams and pursuing them, knowing that no one else can live your life but you. Responsibility means you have to be the one who initiates friendships or a relationship, taking the risk of rejection or you are responsible for never even trying and putting yourself out there at all. It means working hard for your family or your future family, paying off debt, and sacrificing in the present for your future. Finally, men taking responsibility means single or married, you take up caring for those with whom you are close; friends, family, and others in need.

Men, I know you grow up thinking life is about becoming strong and independent but somewhere along the way I think we all learn being a real man is NOT about being an individual but about being a part of a community, a family, a person who cares deeply for others and wishes to be known.

Men only hold back because we are too fearful to move forward, we are protected and guarded, because while we were told to be strong, we still care what others think and how they perceive us. 

But at some point we will hopefully decide to start letting those expectations and worries about what others think go; instead learning that life, a good life, is letting others in, caring for them, encouraging them, and seeing them grow and succeed.

Men, never be afraid to be open and to be yourself. Don’t let our culture dictate what you should do, how you should act, or what you should share. Play and watch sports. Write Poetry. Sing Songs. Play Paintball. Go Hunting. Like Star Wars and Chick Flicks. Be You!

Know that being a man is more than pieces. Being strong and confident in yourself as a whole makes the man. Finally, remember Jesus was the man who threw over the tables of the money-changers taking advantage of the poor and wept and mourned the death of his friend Lazarus. If we are looking for an image of a man worth striving to be, we should start there, with the boldness and compassion of Jesus Christ.

~ Doubledb

Adult Friendships: Part 2 of 2

In all truth, I don’t think we consciously know what we are doing all the time. I think after so much time it becomes like second nature. We hear a new friend say something that triggers a memory and we retreat. We offer to hang out or talk, they say they are busy or do not respond, and so our first and initial reaction it to cut them off because we don’t like even the potential and possible hint of rejection.

Finally, I think it is more difficult to become friends as we get older because, not only does it mean being open and vulnerable with another person; but it means that we have to carve out time from our life. One has to be a lot more intentional.

When we were young we didn’t have as many responsibilities and friends; yet, as we get older our list of duties, of rules, of hurts, of wounds; all of these things grow and become part of who we are inside. To become friends later in life means letting someone into this larger and more complex world that we have become. I think we find this scary. I think the reason it is harder to make friends as one gets older is simply this: Fear.

There was a time when we were young and innocent, that we trusted others, when we simply asked someone if they wanted to be friends; however, now we become much more general, asking people if they want to hangout sometime or how they are doing? We put these responses out there, seeing, hoping to get a response. How and when the person responds either continues the friendship and brings connection or severs it.

Today, be thankful for the friends you have but also do not let your thoughts stay on thankfulness alone but on building and nurturing such friendships. The old ones, people whom you loved and cared for, go back and thank these people in some way, let them know how they have personally touched your life.

What about those new friendships? Work on carving out time to make new friends, friends who might be different than you, who will stretch you and help you grow. Put effort into friendships with real people, get off your computer, your cell phone, or your tablet. Go out into the world, speak to people in person, call someone on the phone and connect.

Today, remember and honor friendship. And remember, friendships takes two people, so if your efforts are not appreciated or reciprocated, pray to God that he connects you with someone who will appreciate you, appreciate your uniqueness, how God created you as an individual, and find someone worthy of a true and intimate friendship with you.

You deserve it. You are worth it.

~ Doubledb

Adult Friendships: Part 1 of 2

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about friendship and how important friendship is in our lives. Think about growing up and how many friends you have now, how you might not even remember how you became friends with any of these people. Wasn't it so much easier back then to make new friends, even to get into a relationship?

Will you be my friend?

Do you want to hang out with me? Yes or No?

It is amazing to me that as we grow up and become more complex, so does the way in which we approach relationships. I suppose when we are young, we can easily bond over the class we are in, a particular sport we both play, or that we both seem to have the same hankering for chocolate ice cream.

Somehow, as we grow and mature, so do our taste. However, I think we might have become too picky. That person is too nerdy, too rich, too poor, and too different; so instead of trying to pursue friendship, taking a chance on the fact that different-ness might be beneficial, we usually just decide not to pursue that relationship at all.

I wonder if it goes deeper, maybe we don’t want to be seen with that type of person. Perhaps they are religious and we are not, or they wear different clothes than we do. Still, I wonder if it goes even deeper than we might be aware.

I wonder if as we become older and more complex, we found others had a tendency to judge us, either aggressively or passive-aggressively. Perhaps they found faults and threw them back in your face. Perhaps they let you hear a harsh truth and you never forgave. Maybe you were rejected and it still hurts. I think as we grow we have these wounds that never really heal, likely because we tend to run from such confrontations, so when we trying to pursue friendships we take this baggage with us.

More to come…

~ Doubledb

What is Good?

What is Good? This question came to my mind Sunday after the sermon. The pastor spoke about the two extremes of legalism and liberalism, our tendency to be to restrictive based on the law of God or to be too free based on the grace we receive from God.

Why do we need rules or ethics or morals? Who chooses? I keep coming back to the question: What is good? Not what taste good or what feels good but what is good? I think this is how we get trapped in sin, how we become distracted by the world.

We confuse good feelings with good being.

In the end, my answer is this: God is Good. This is why we have the scriptures, Jesus, grace, and the Holy Spirit. God has revealed himself, his goodness and offered us guides in this life to help us find truth.

Just then a man came up to Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?” “Why do you ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.” - Matthew 19:16-17 (emphasis mine)

I think about the allegory of “The Cave” by Plato (1, 2, 3). In this story people live in darkness and only know of the shadows of real things. We, humanity, are like that. For the longest time I wanted to say that those of us who know the truth have climbed out of the cave. This is untrue.

 

The good news is that Jesus Christ came from the light of eternity, entered our darkness, limited himself, chaining himself down, living among us. He tried to teach those in the darkness the truth about their shadows and how they could have real and abundant life. For this they mocked and killed him; yet he was not held down or bound by the darkness of that place, of those people.

In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men. The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.... And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth. - John 1: 4-5, 14

Christ and his followers of The Way (Acts 9:2) have ever since been leading people from the darkness of this world into the light of the Kingdom of God. See, it was never us who climbed out of the cave of our own darkness when we were trapped; it was Jesus who pulled us out of that darkness, dimness, and our own weakness and into his good light, clarity, and strength.

Why then as Christians do we so easily desire to jump back into that darkness once again? What is it about our flesh, earthly desires, and that darkness that we find so tempting? Why do sin and evil so easily return to and entangle us? It is when we lack trust, when we desire temporal fulfillment over the long-term and eternal fulfillment that Jesus Christ has given us.

So, what do you chose today? Will you be stuck in that darkness, merely seeing and believing in shadows of life or do want light and abundance? Are you in the light but often find yourself tempted to run back into that darkness, back to that old self again?

What is good? God is Good. God sent his son so that we may have life. We were not meant to live lifeless life’s, meaningless life's, distracted life's, nor temporal ones. When we understand that, I think true, ongoing, and continual transformation is possible.

~ Doubledb

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On Building A New Community

I've had a mixture of feelings as of late when it comes to friendship, dating, and God. Sometimes I am pretty pissed at God, bitter that after all this time and how much I have sought after him I am still (feel) alone. Yes, mainly this is in regards to wanting a relationship but also with friendships, which I am making but still trying to build.

At my age you have your life set (sort of), but when you move you come into a totally different landscape, everyone you meet will have suggestions of things to do or people to meet, yet few take the time to get to know you, to invite you to do things. You have to be the initiator and as an introvert this gets very taxing on me.

I much prefer to be the guy who sees the new person and introduces myself and invites them to hang out with a group. I do not by any means prefer to be that new guy, especially if you don’t feel others are really taking time to get to know you. I feel this way in friendship and with potential relationships.

I have a few people I am glad to meet here but I have to initiate everything, which makes the friendships seem pretty one-side and lack that reciprocity I would prefer to have at least some of the time.

Sometimes I feel like I am using too much of my energy, trying to give out too much of myself, trying to tell my story to too many people... and I get little in return. I try to distract myself by watching movies, reading books, even playing computer games but the feelings of loneliness are there, of wanting to be wanted, wanting to be invited, wanted to be known.

Isn’t this all of us? I’m surprised how many of us feel alone yet shrink back into our abodes, our mediocre friendships, settling for less with people who don’t value or care for us... or at least not enough to seek us out more often and ask how we are doing.

How can we be so connected with one another and yet so very far apart is surprising. Why are we so prone to hide ourselves, to not let others see who we really are? But then, I feel like when I put myself out there I get smiles and well-meaning responses but rarely does it turn into action. Any relationship, including friendship, is built upon time, reciprocity, and trust.

Half of the time I want to ask people why they don’t respond or why they tell me about all these things to do around town but do not invite me to come with them. I want to know why they would see a person who is new and ignore them. I guess we all have our priorities, but then you find yourself on the bottom of everyone else’s list. You just begin to feel down and a bit depressed. You want more but can’t force relationships.

These last months I have begun to see how people who are single depend on God a lot more, especially for those single people who find themselves moving for whatever reason and having to start over again and again. They have to build new relationships, friendships, and communities every time. True, some do find this easier than others, because for some they just have those personalities that attract others.

For the others who are quieter and laid back, it can be extremely tough to find those friends, sifting through all the people, seeing who you connect with, and out of those who will spend time and reciprocate your feelings.

So, today for those of us who feel lost in that void, stuck in the middle. I want you to know that you are not alone. I am not alone. There are many of us who feel alone out there, while all these people pass us by everyday. Know my reader, that God is always there, that God has never left you. God is there right by your side and desires to know you and for you to know Him. People will fail, friendships and relationships will come and go but Jesus is there with you forever.

When you feel you have had enough, let Him know. When you find a new friend, offer God your thanks - but whatever you do, don’t simply give into those negative thoughts, don’t become a recluse, don’t shut yourself down, don’t retreat from others into your shell. Go out and shine your light. The people who respond to your light will be the ones who are worth spending time and fighting for... but as with everything, it will take time and effort.

May God give us perseverance, strength, patience until then…

~ Doubledb